Raising Biracial Kids | A Letter to Future Bullies
The memory still stings like a knife in the back.
I’ve been thinking about this post for awhile. In fact, it’s been almost a year that I have been stewing, trying to find the words. It was the day my 6 year old son came home from school, saying that other kids were making fun of him. And I wasn’t there. I remember how hard it was for my son to find the words to describe what happened and to describe how he felt. The concept was so foreign, so unknown to him that he struggled with the anger he felt. He was bullied, and he didn’t understand why. How could kids, kids his own age be this cruel?
But then I remember the first time I was teased. I was 6. I remember the days and every day after like it was yesterday. Those memories still sting today. And though I may be older, wiser and a little tougher skinned now than 20+ years ago, I know the affects of bullying still creep up on me today. Am I good enough? Am I pretty enough? Am I accepted enough? Am I loved enough?
I look at my Whasian kids and see nothing but beauty. Their almond shaped eyes, that become “more Asian” when they smile. Their olive tanned skin, perfection. Their delicate cheekbones. That point in their chins. Their wispy eyebrows. The blending of cultures. Their straight fine hair with a hint of a curl. I see so much potential, so much love and 1000% uniqueness from being biracial and beautiful. But with differences comes the world, like a freight train. And so with the heavy heart of a mom of two beautiful biracial kids, I write this letter to all of the future bullies of my children.
Dear Future Bullies of My Kids,
I know you are out there. I know that you will one day find my kids. And I won’t be there to protect them. You’re going to seek them out. You will see that they are smaller than you. Different from you. They are going to have smiles that radiate true joy. And that is going to scare you. Madden you. You will see those beautiful biracial features that I have praised them for everyday of their lives, and in one day you will tear down their worlds and their psyches with your words. You will use your words, terrible words to try and cut them down. To wipe those smiles off their faces, and steal their joy. It’s all for a few moments of crowning glory on your part, a few pats on the back from your buddies and then you will walk away and forget. You’ll never realize the years of damage you are causing to my children’s lives. You’ll never realize the the possible damage you are causing to your own life. And it’s all for those few fleeting moments of what feels like “victory.”
I know who you are, even though I have never met you. And I hurt for you. I am saddened by the feeling that you need to tear down someone else to make yourself feel better. I am saddened that it is easier to find cruelty in the world than beauty in it. I hurt that bullying is easier than love.
And so I pray for you. I pray that you will find the acceptance and love and joy that I find on my kids’ faces everyday. I pray that you will see those beautiful features on my kids’ faces and realize that those differences make them worthy of love, not hate. I pray that my children will continue to radiate smiles and joy to you despite your words. I pray that your actions will make them stronger, wiser and above your bullying.
I urge you to see beyond the differences and plead with you to find the beauty that I see. My children are beautiful. You are beautiful.
They cannot avoid you. But they can love you anyway. I pray that they will. And I pray that I can love you too.
I look at my son, now almost a year later and can feel how the bullying still affects him. Every time he comes home with his head down, complaining about school or even just having a bad day, I hurt wondering if another bully has entered his life. Hopefully, I will look back at this letter and pray…pray hard.
Have your children experienced bullying? How have you dealt with it?
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My nephew was bullied, he was an overweight teen and very quiet. It was hard for my brother to know how to handle it, I remember how angry it made me as his aunt, he is a sweetie. I still think about it and it was many years ago. I was bullied in school because I was very little, girls would push me, take my hat off and throw it, things like that. I was very timid and shy. It is true when you are a child you really don’t understand it, because you know you didn’t do anything to cause them to act that way. I’m very sorry this has happened to your kids.
It’s a horrible thing for kids to live through. Thanks for sharing, Rosie
I was bullied for being “ugly” and I’m not biracial or a minority. Bullying happens in all schools for countless reasons. We need to have zero tolerance for bullying, period. Thanks for sharing your experiences.
Randy Fulgham says
i dont like bullies–this has to stop someday
Theresa M says
Christie I don’t know what the answer is to bullying. Thank God my kids are out of school for years but our daughter was bullied alot in high school. It was so bad. We aren’t biracial so it isn’t any certain reason kids are bullied. The parents I am sure have alot to do with it in how they treat their kids and some parents just aren’t fit to be parents. There are so many broken homes and drugs the kids have to deal with when they do go home. Many kids have it really hard at home and I’m sure many have more on their mind then going to school. Many probably never even ate before they come to school or have clean clothes to wear when they do. My kids stood up for others that were bullies and I am proud of that. One kid asked my son who was really alot bigger and taller for his age in high school to be his body guard. He had red hair so I guess that is why they picked on him but he was the nicest kid ever. The zero tolerance isn’t the best either I believe as it takes the situation to extremes. Even though like I said my daughter was bullied alot she rose above it and eventually went onto college and became a teacher. She is amazing and I am so proud of her. We have alot of teacher in our extended family and they have stories to tell of how much hardship kids have to deal with when they go home. A lot of kids babysit their siblings or their parent in in jail again. It’s an excuse I know and not a good one to pick on our kids that is for sure. So just keep close to your kids and be present in their school functions etc to listen to other parents too to see what is going on in the school with their kids. It is always good to talk with your kids going places in the car. They seem to open up more then. Keep them close and love them so they have that safe haven to always come home to. Prayers always from one Mom to another. <3
This hurt my heart when you posted it last year and still it hurts my heart. Kids think that their words won’t do any REAL damage, but they’re so wrong! If we can teach our kids to love and accept others without regard to race or disability, hair color, or even an accent, then we are teaching them well. When they are confronted by those situations, we can only hope that their light will shine and overpower the darkness that confronts them. Til then, we pray.
lana simanovicki says
lucky I haven’t had to deal with this I think its horrible and I talk to my children about this alot
Linda Manns Linneman says
Bullying is a terrible thing for children and adults as well. Your family is beautiful. I guess the answer is to keep encouraging our children and letting them know how beautiful and special they are. We are a Christian family so we try to tell them how God would handle this. We encourage the grandchildren to walk away and to pray for those people because it is really them that is hurting. Thank you so much for sharing. God Bless