My Theme Park Nightmare & Why It Took Until Now to Talk
My Theme Park Nightmare & Why It Took Until Now to Talk
July 28, 2014. It’s a day that I will never forget. A day ingrained in my mind. A day that replays over and over in my head. A day has me bursting into tears in a moment’s notice. My Theme Park Nightmare. It’s amazing how one of the happiest places for families has now ironically become something else for me. Over 3 months later, I am now finally ready to talk about it.
The weekend was looking great. Yesterday, we had a family day at Clearwater Beach with pristine sand, happy smiling children and perfect weather. And today, we were headed as a family to Busch Gardens for the day to check out the new Summer Nights promotion. 2 kids, 2 adults, and a full day of memories were on the table. The day looked so promising.
We were taking our time, walking around and checking out animals. I noticed that my baby girl was acting quiet. Tired.
“Must be from the beach yesterday,” I thought.
I gave her extra fluids. Purple Gatorade, I remember. Snacks. We even kept her in the stroller to shield her from the hot summer sun. No problem. The hot day lingered on. It was after 12 pm before we decided to get in line for the train that goes around the park. I was tired and frustrated by that time. The train was about to leave. My husband said that we could get on if we emptied out the stroller and folded it up. Does he realize how much “stuff” we carry with us? If we missed it, we’d have to wait at the train station with 2 cranky kids for another 20 minutes.
Needless to say, we missed the train.
I didn’t realize how much of a blessing that was.
As we waited at the train station, my husband decided to take the hot and sweaty baby out of the stroller and hold her while we waited. In the shade, under a fan, Gatorade in hand, we were trying to cool off. My husband started to notice that our daughter was starting to act a little “goofy.”
“Come take a picture,” he said. I wince at the memory, my eyes misting as I type this.
Little did I realize, my daughter was in the aura stage of what was going to be the longest 3 minutes of my life. And it seemed like an eternity. In my husband’s arms, my daughter’s arms and legs started twitching. He must have just watched the odd movements for seconds before he notified me. Oh no.
A full blown seizure.
She’s never had one before. And things begin getting a little blurry in my memory at this point. I remember taking her in my arms, running around the train station, screaming at the top of my lungs for help.
I remember sitting down on a bench, screaming and crying, as I saw my daughter’s eyes rolled back in her head. She wouldn’t stop shaking. “Please stop,” I begged her. Those minutes, only about 2 to 3 minutes, I saw her whole life flash before me as I tried to choke down the possibility of brain damage if this continued. Someone, an angel of a lady, took off my baby’s shoes and put an ice cold water on her feet. Another torturous few seconds before she went limp. It was over.
By then, I’m not sure how long it took before the park medic arrived. He told me that we needed to go to the hospital right away, especially with this being her first seizure.
At this point, I don’t know what I was thinking.
“No, I think we will be ok.”
Perhaps one of the dumbest things I’ve ever said. What was wrong with me? My baby needed attention. Help. Answers. And I was too stubborn to get into the golf cart to get into an ambulance. It took some convincing, but we were taken to the nearest ER for evaluation, blood work, medical history. I cried when she got an IV and had barely moved when the needle stuck her. I cried even harder when she opened her eyes and focused on my face for the first time.
A nasty virus. Her fever shot up quickly while at the theme park, causing a full seizure. Within a few hours, we were released. Tylenol and Motrin our new best friends for the next 3 days, we went home, completely exhausted. Everything happened so quickly. Within half a day, our lives and memories changed forever.
Why So Long?
It’s taken me months to be able to write about it. I sat here with this blank page for weeks, trying to find the words.
Part of me was reliving the nightmare. I mean talk about it? I couldn’t even stop thinking about it for a month solid. One of the scariest situations I have ever dealt with in my life, I realize how quickly my daughter was almost taken from me. In an instant, her life could have been gone. I was afraid. I am afraid.
Part of me was embarrassed. 4 years of college to obtain a B.S.N. degree. 6 years of hands-on work on a pediatric nursing floor, having witnessed and treated kids with the exact situation. 5 years as a mom. I had all of the credentials of a well-prepared person for a situation like this. Instead, I was frozen. Unable to cope, hysterical at best. And I was ashamed.
Ashamed that I didn’t see the warning signs at the theme park. Tired, lethargic, not herself. I should have felt her forehead, given her a dose of Motrin (she was badly teething) anyway before we left the hotel. I should have had a thermometer on me. Maybe if I gave her more Gatorade or a better snack. Maybe if I was a more attentive mom…..I would have seen it.
What kind of nurse am I?
I had sunken into a deep sadness, probably depression. It’s taken over 3 months to forgive myself. Though I had plenty of training and experience as a nurse, I have had little to no training or experience with my own kids this close to death. It was hard to realize that in THIS situation, I was a mom first. Not a nurse. I had every right to not be prepared for this moment.
A long road to recovery, and not for her. But for me.
I still relive that day. I have nightmares about it. I cringe when I see pictures from that day. When she wears the outfit. I even recently found the picture I took of her, moments before her seizure. I immediately burst into tears. But slowly, ever so slowly, I’m learning to find the blessings in the darkest of times. Blessing that we never got on that train. What if she had a seizure while we were moving? Blessing that the staff were able to call an ambulance. The Angel that had the ice water. The doctors, the technology, our son for being so brave, our family for holding together.
It’s ironic that I am now opening up about this day here now in November. A month of thankfulness. And I certainly am so thankful, even for this experience.
It’s a day that I will never take for granted. My daughter almost died that day. But I have been given so many more days to be with her. Each day, a blessing. Now, I’ll never look at a theme park the same again.
Yes, you will find a thermometer in my diaper bag.
Have you dealt with an experience like this with your child? How did you cope?
Be sure to follow Raising Whasians for more of my mommy brain thoughts.
Rae Jean Wycoff says
Big hugs to you!! I can tell you are a wonderful mommy! Be kind to yourself!
Christie says
Thank you, Rae Jean!
Winter White says
This is completely scary situatuion and no one can say for sure how they would react if faced with it. We all think we know what we would do but the truth is none of us can prepare for a situation like this. You’re her mother so you were dealing with a range of emotions-intense love, paralyzing fear! Who can say what they would do under those circumstances and the person who can is an absolute liar! I’m just so happy she is OK. Forgive yourself
Christie says
Thank you, Winter. I definitely needed to read this
Esperanza Gailliard says
I have to come here and say we had a tragedy at a National Park this summer in TN. My husband was taking the wrong medication for his ailment and ended up sustaining a TBI. Right now we are broken up and living separated due to that very same accident and wrong people meddling in our family life. I am so thankful that he is alive and driving home I was in shambles just thinking that I will never be in his life again. But everything happens for a reason. I blamed myself so many times due to the fact that I should have known better and looked up the herbal remedy that he was using. But I didn’t and just took a guess at what was happening and researched later and found that I was right. One day I too will have to forgive myself for not paying more attention. But sometimes in life we get so caught up we forget what we were actually trained in to help our own family members. I am just thankful that he is alive and well and that he remembers all of us. Love and Blessings!
Christie says
Thanks for sharing your story, Esperanza. I hope there’s a happy ending in your future soon!
deb says
That is so terrifying. I’m so glad that she is ok and that it all worked out. Bless your daughter’s guardian angle that helped at the park. I hope you get to revisit the park someday and create only happy memories.
Christie says
I wish I got her name. I hope one day she’ll be able to read this. Thanks, Deb
Mandi says
You can’t blame yourself. We didn’t have anything that scary happen, but over the summer we were at the zoo and it wasn’t HOT hot, but it was warm out. My daughter didn’t eat much at breakfast, then complained about her snack so she didn’t eat that. By the time lunch came around and we were walking around to find something, she started crying and screaming. I thought she was just tired or uncomfortable from being in the stroller, so I got her out and she calmed down. She held my hand and we walked and she seemed happier. She’s 2.5, and kind of a drama queen already… anyway. We found a place that had something for everyone and while we stood in line, all of a sudden she threw up everywhere. The cafe workers called the zoo medics, who brought a golf cart and her and I rode all the way to our van where I turned the AC up and gave her some cool water. After she cooled off (and hubs with our other two kids made their way back to the van, maybe 10-15 minutes) she was FINE. She slowly ate some crackers and the rest of our weekend was fine. Come to think of it, hungry and hot are NOT a good mix and I should have known that and tried to offer more foods before we even left the van to go to the zoo (considering she’s my third kiddo).
It. Happens. My husband is an EMT! He should have known or had some insight. Please don’t beat yourself up over this, but thank you so much for sharing – you’e connected with so many people!
Christie says
Thanks for sharing, Mandi. Everyone’s been so supportive!
AwayGirl100 says
Seeing your child have a seizure is absolutely terrifying. You may be a nurse, but you are a parent first. When it comes to your own child, things are taken to a totally different level. My daughter suffered from seizures from the age of 6m till about 5 yrs, so I know that terrifying feeling. Just know, you should forgive yourself and you are a wonderful mother.
Christie says
Thanks so much for the kind words!
Melinda says
take it easy on yourself, we aren’t rained for moments like this. As a mom that come instinct comes first and that is to comfort our kids. You held your child when she needed it. I’m glad it’s over and didn’t have any lasting effects.
Christie says
Mom training would have been nice 🙂 Thank you, Melinda!
Ronni says
Oh hun… You have to forgive yourself. It’s a scary situation, for sure. All your years of training don’t prepare your for the emotional connection you have to over come when it’s your child. That is the hurdle. My husband is a paramedic/firefighter. He’s 1/2 way thru med school. He had the same panicked reaction when 1 of our kids had a serious medical scare. And, after a couple weeks he was able to say why… it’s the emotional connection. Your kids are a part of you. Not simply another patient. And while you feel responsible and give them the best care possible, your intertwined lives are not a part of the equation. It’s why Dr’s can’t operate on family members. Forgive yourself. You could not have predicted that a tired, teething little girl would be anything more than that. Tired, teething… all normal. Even if a mom brought her in for care to you, you’d assume the same, right?
I’m so happy to hear everyone is well. Now, you be well.
Christie says
Thank you for sharing your story! That emotional connection is definitely the x factor!
Natalie F says
Do not beat yourself up! Kids can be quiet, tired, for so many reasons. It happens so often that it really is hard to know when something is off. I’m glad your daughter is okay!
Thank you for sharing. I can completely understand why you needed some time before doing so.
Christie says
Thanks so much, Natalie!
Rosey says
I was holding my breath and crying with you on this one. As for being a nurse, I think we can be the best at what we do for others, but when it’s our own family…everything changes. As it should be. I’m so happy you had a happy ending for this story, and you’re right, you have so so so much to be thankful for, and I’m thankful for that for you too.
Christie says
So sweet for you to say, Rosey. You have no idea how much that happy ending means to me!
Krystal says
I haven’t dealt with anything like this, but I would have been no more calm than you were. I’m glad you’ve opened up about it. Don’t blame yourself! You don’t know the sick children that you treat. You know you’re daughter. She’s your life. Of course you would flip out!
Christie says
Thanks for the support, Krsytal!
Candy O. says
Wow, what an experience. I hope your daughter is doing well and there were were no long term issues from the seizure. At that moment you were a mom, all of your education, it didn’t matter when it happened. Seeing it happen to your own baby makes all the difference. I worked with special needs students and saw them have seizures so many times. The first time was so scary for me. I would be completely frozen if it happened to my boys. Sending you a big hug!!
Christie says
Watching anyone with a seizure is so scary. But the experience with my daughter is unlike any other. Thanks for sharing, Candy
Felicia says
Oh my goodness! I am so glad she is ok. I have a friend who’s son also has seizures with fevers. I had no idea it could happen until it happened to him!
Christie says
Me too, thanks Felicia!
Maggie says
I am so sorry you guys had to go through this! So glad she’s ok. Please don’t blame yourself! You were comforting her as a Mom would. She needed that! I understanding your waiting to post. Your family went through a horrific experience. Hugs and prayers.
Christie says
Thanks, Maggie. I didn’t realize how much time I would need to cope
Amanda says
I am so sorry that you had to go through this and so glad to hear that your daughter is ok. As moms, we always blame ourselves but you don’t need to do that to yourself. Sending hugs to you, Mamma!
Christie says
Thank you, Amanda! Much needed
Rachelle J says
What a scary situation! I think you should cut yourself some slack! Seeing someone else’s child be sick is SO different than seeing your own, panic trumps experience any day. Thank God everything worked out ok!
Christie says
I love that “panic trumps experience” line, Rachelle!
Veronica says
I am so sorry that you and your baby girl went through this. As parents, that has to be our worst nightmare! It sound like you have finally made peace with it and not blaming yourself any longer for something that you really didn’t know would happen. Thank God for that. My son had really bad breathing problems and croup when he was little. We were always at the ER. He’s outgrown it now thankfully. Hug your little sweetheart and it will be alright. Prayers for your continued strength in dealing with this 🙂
Christie says
ER visits are definitely NO fun for any parent! Thanks for the prayers
Mommy2jam says
You are not a BAD MOM or Nurse. I am going to say that I can handle any situation that does not involve my children. When my son was sick I remember screaming and acting cray cray. My mom was the only who could hold him. Everyone thought my mother was his mother. I was unable to do anything. He got a virus at 2 1/2 weeks old. Because i had to take my son out as a single mom of three boys. I didn’t have the luxury of staying home I had to do the grocery shopping etc. He caught something. When my brother was 4 months old he had a reaction to soy formula. My mother was doing jumping jacks in the elevator and dance moves because she couldn’t bare to see her child near death. I remember calmly holding him and watching drift, thank God he was able to get well. As parents we can’t stand to see our kids sick and sometimes we over look the warning signs. Why because we are not super parents we are just parents. We will not catch every little thing. I am so glad your daughter is alright and please don’t beat yourself up about it. Your story is a blessing to others to help them in this situation and perhaps spread awareness. You are a fine mother and your family is lucky to have you both as a mother and a nurse.
Christie says
Thanks so much! So encouraging!
Debbie L. says
Dealing with our own family is a completely different story. Don’t be so hard on yourself – you are a Mom. That is what I tell patients in ER . Dealing with family emergency health issues is very hard. Experiences like yours with my own family have made me a much more understanding health care professional.
Christie says
Thank you, Debbie!
Amy Ballou says
Not sure how I managed to miss this post as closely as I follow your blog. In fact, you were part of my inspiration to start my own. 🙂 Anyways back to your post, my stepmom is a nurse and got diagnosed with fibromyalgia a few years ago, I’ll never forget what she said when I asked how she was doing and told me without skipping a beat… “It’s one thing to be a nurse, but its a whole other world when you’re the patient.” At some point in time rather were nurse’s or doctor’s – or think we have our whole lives planned out, we will eventually ALL become patients. And when that happens nothing can prepare you for how you will react. I truly believe that we are all dealt with the cards we are dealt for some sort of life lesson, if not for ourselves then maybe even for someone else. So many things (though they may not have been the best moments) in my life, I understand why I went through them and if you can do that (like you have) I truly think it makes you a stronger and more understanding person (as you are). Thank you for your story, sometimes as busy as I am I forget to stop and smell the roses so to speak, so I appreciate this bringing me back to earth even if only for a few.
Amy Ballou says
This got cut off) It’s what I only hope to accomplish in my writings.
Christie says
Amy, thank you so much! I’ve enjoyed your comments through the years and appreciate that you took the time to read this post. It means so much to have the support I do, especially from fans and fellow bloggers