My Theme Park Nightmare & Why It Took Until Now to Talk
My Theme Park Nightmare & Why It Took Until Now to Talk
July 28, 2014. It’s a day that I will never forget. A day ingrained in my mind. A day that replays over and over in my head. A day has me bursting into tears in a moment’s notice. My Theme Park Nightmare. It’s amazing how one of the happiest places for families has now ironically become something else for me. Over 3 months later, I am now finally ready to talk about it.
The weekend was looking great. Yesterday, we had a family day at Clearwater Beach with pristine sand, happy smiling children and perfect weather. And today, we were headed as a family to Busch Gardens for the day to check out the new Summer Nights promotion. 2 kids, 2 adults, and a full day of memories were on the table. The day looked so promising.
We were taking our time, walking around and checking out animals. I noticed that my baby girl was acting quiet. Tired.
“Must be from the beach yesterday,” I thought.
I gave her extra fluids. Purple Gatorade, I remember. Snacks. We even kept her in the stroller to shield her from the hot summer sun. No problem. The hot day lingered on. It was after 12 pm before we decided to get in line for the train that goes around the park. I was tired and frustrated by that time. The train was about to leave. My husband said that we could get on if we emptied out the stroller and folded it up. Does he realize how much “stuff” we carry with us? If we missed it, we’d have to wait at the train station with 2 cranky kids for another 20 minutes.
Needless to say, we missed the train.
I didn’t realize how much of a blessing that was.
As we waited at the train station, my husband decided to take the hot and sweaty baby out of the stroller and hold her while we waited. In the shade, under a fan, Gatorade in hand, we were trying to cool off. My husband started to notice that our daughter was starting to act a little “goofy.”
“Come take a picture,” he said. I wince at the memory, my eyes misting as I type this.
Little did I realize, my daughter was in the aura stage of what was going to be the longest 3 minutes of my life. And it seemed like an eternity. In my husband’s arms, my daughter’s arms and legs started twitching. He must have just watched the odd movements for seconds before he notified me. Oh no.
A full blown seizure.
She’s never had one before. And things begin getting a little blurry in my memory at this point. I remember taking her in my arms, running around the train station, screaming at the top of my lungs for help.
I remember sitting down on a bench, screaming and crying, as I saw my daughter’s eyes rolled back in her head. She wouldn’t stop shaking. “Please stop,” I begged her. Those minutes, only about 2 to 3 minutes, I saw her whole life flash before me as I tried to choke down the possibility of brain damage if this continued. Someone, an angel of a lady, took off my baby’s shoes and put an ice cold water on her feet. Another torturous few seconds before she went limp. It was over.
By then, I’m not sure how long it took before the park medic arrived. He told me that we needed to go to the hospital right away, especially with this being her first seizure.
At this point, I don’t know what I was thinking.
“No, I think we will be ok.”
Perhaps one of the dumbest things I’ve ever said. What was wrong with me? My baby needed attention. Help. Answers. And I was too stubborn to get into the golf cart to get into an ambulance. It took some convincing, but we were taken to the nearest ER for evaluation, blood work, medical history. I cried when she got an IV and had barely moved when the needle stuck her. I cried even harder when she opened her eyes and focused on my face for the first time.
A nasty virus. Her fever shot up quickly while at the theme park, causing a full seizure. Within a few hours, we were released. Tylenol and Motrin our new best friends for the next 3 days, we went home, completely exhausted. Everything happened so quickly. Within half a day, our lives and memories changed forever.
Why So Long?
It’s taken me months to be able to write about it. I sat here with this blank page for weeks, trying to find the words.
Part of me was reliving the nightmare. I mean talk about it? I couldn’t even stop thinking about it for a month solid. One of the scariest situations I have ever dealt with in my life, I realize how quickly my daughter was almost taken from me. In an instant, her life could have been gone. I was afraid. I am afraid.
Part of me was embarrassed. 4 years of college to obtain a B.S.N. degree. 6 years of hands-on work on a pediatric nursing floor, having witnessed and treated kids with the exact situation. 5 years as a mom. I had all of the credentials of a well-prepared person for a situation like this. Instead, I was frozen. Unable to cope, hysterical at best. And I was ashamed.
Ashamed that I didn’t see the warning signs at the theme park. Tired, lethargic, not herself. I should have felt her forehead, given her a dose of Motrin (she was badly teething) anyway before we left the hotel. I should have had a thermometer on me. Maybe if I gave her more Gatorade or a better snack. Maybe if I was a more attentive mom…..I would have seen it.
What kind of nurse am I?
I had sunken into a deep sadness, probably depression. It’s taken over 3 months to forgive myself. Though I had plenty of training and experience as a nurse, I have had little to no training or experience with my own kids this close to death. It was hard to realize that in THIS situation, I was a mom first. Not a nurse. I had every right to not be prepared for this moment.
A long road to recovery, and not for her. But for me.
I still relive that day. I have nightmares about it. I cringe when I see pictures from that day. When she wears the outfit. I even recently found the picture I took of her, moments before her seizure. I immediately burst into tears. But slowly, ever so slowly, I’m learning to find the blessings in the darkest of times. Blessing that we never got on that train. What if she had a seizure while we were moving? Blessing that the staff were able to call an ambulance. The Angel that had the ice water. The doctors, the technology, our son for being so brave, our family for holding together.
It’s ironic that I am now opening up about this day here now in November. A month of thankfulness. And I certainly am so thankful, even for this experience.
It’s a day that I will never take for granted. My daughter almost died that day. But I have been given so many more days to be with her. Each day, a blessing. Now, I’ll never look at a theme park the same again.
Yes, you will find a thermometer in my diaper bag.
Have you dealt with an experience like this with your child? How did you cope?
Be sure to follow Raising Whasians for more of my mommy brain thoughts.
Cindy B says
Perhaps coming from a fellow RN it will be some comfort to you when I say “cut yourself some slack.” Would you be so hard on me (or anyone else) if you heard/read their story like this? I doubt it (and absolutely not now that you’ve been through it yourself). *hugs* First, we are, none of us, perfect. Second, thank God your baby is okay. Third, yes, you are a mom… and we ALL chalk things up to yesterday or something else at times especially when we’re busy trying to concentrate on other things (from theme park fun to cooking dinner).
No, I cannot say I’ve had this exact situation (or anything quite close to it) but I did have my four-year-old fall twice and bonk his noggin (note the highly sophisticated nurse jargon here) in the same spot within 36 hours… he had a huge goose-egg. The second time he did it he was standing on a stepstool in my kitchen trying to help me bake something… both times he hit concrete or the equivalent. The second time I think I cried more than he did… the goose egg that hadn’t gone down from the previous day was now large and in charge… neuro-checks for my lil one for the next 24 hours… O and I realized later (somewhat to my shagrin/horror) that he would forever have that wonderful goose egg memorialized in my parents 40th wedding anniversary professional photos. *sigh*
I tell my tale just to say crazy things happen to all our kids, nurse or not, and like it or not… and definitely not at convenient times/locations. I’m glad your lil is okay (none the worse for wear) now quit beating yourself up… chalk it up to experience, let it make you more gracious towards others (as I can tell it has), and allow yourself to feel like the best mom, again; your family’s opinion hasn’t changed, I’m sure. 🙂
Christie says
Definitely nice to hear from a fellow nurse. Thanks for your encouragement and support!
Shary says
I’m glad everything was fine in the end, but I’m even more glad you’re able to forgive yourself after all that trauma. Kids are crazy and crazy things will happen. If life gave us an easy ride… Well that wouldn’t be life now would it?
Christie says
So true!
Debbie Denny says
I sure understand your fears. We were raising our granddaughter and she had 2 seizures. So scary and we were lifeflighted to Tulsa. I am so glad we rushed her to DR. I am glad your baby is ok.
Christie says
Watching someone have a seizure makes you feel so powerless. So scary!
Robin (Masshole Mommy) says
Oh wow, I can’t even begin to imagine how scary that was. Glad she is ok!
Christie says
Thanks, Robin!
Billie Rowell says
So sorry you and your little one had to go this. I have not had to deal with anything like this with my three kiddos and i’m very thankful for that.
Christie says
That is very thankful, Billie!
Stefany says
I am an RN too and nothing, absolutely nothing, can prepare you for your own child going through something traumatic like this. My baby Jemma was very, very ill for over a month and each day I fought my education thinking about the little girl whose life was at risk. Hugs to you. I am so glad your little one is doing okay now.
Christie says
So nice to hear from a fellow nurse! Glad I’m not alone in my thoughts
Theresa says
My best friend went through her daughter having seizures for the first 3 or 4 years of her life. It was such a scary, scary time for her, so I completely understand the shock and panic that goes through your mind when it happens to your own child. I am glad to hear that she is ok now!
Christie says
Thanks so much, Teresa. Glad your friend’s daughter is ok now
Dina says
wow I would have a hard time writing about that too. I’m so glad she’s ok. You’re a good mom and a good nurse.
Christie says
Means a lot, Dina!
Liz Mays says
I’ve never been through anything like that and it chills me to read about your experience. I’m so glad you got the help you needed when you needed it. I can see why you froze in that horrific mom moment! What a blessing it’s all behind you!
Christie says
Absolutely! I hope never to happen again
chrissy va says
Such a scary day for you! As moms we are too hard on ourselves when it comes to our kids. Hugs!
Christie says
Thank you, Chrissy
Pam says
It’s always so scary when your kid gets weird symptoms or has weird medical problems. You don’t always know how to react. I know that my kids have been ill before and I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t react how I knew I should.
Christie says
It’s terrifying for sure!
Pauline Cabrera says
I feel for you. Life can give us tough challenges and we sometimes test us. Stay strong.
Christie says
Thanks, Pauline!
Andrea T. says
Completely understandable that you acted like a mom in this situation, because in this situation you were the mom. She wasn’t your patient. Please stop feeling guilt. You feel like you didn’t do the right things but you did! Your daughter got to the hospital and she is ok. Take a deep breath and be thankful!
Christie says
Great perspective, Andrea! Thank you
Ruth Griffeth says
I can’t say it is exactly the same but I will tell my story. It was July 16, 1989, 4:17 A.M, I will never forget that day, it was the best day and worst day of my life up to that point. I know exactly when it was because it was my first child being born, R is now 25 years old, and he is doing well. They handed him to me finally after my husband and my mom held him, there was a small complication. I was looking over every bit of him he looked perfect! The pediatrician came in about 6am I did not know this was “out of the ordinary”, I was in the room by myself, sent the family off to get cleaned up! He brought a nurse in with him and told me that my son had a “heart murmur” I shrug my shoulders and was like “OKAY” I just gave birth to this perfect child and I had one since I was a baby. My mother came back in and before apparently the nurse spoke to my mother because I did not seem to be concerned about it and the Doctor was worried I did not grasp it. My Mother said something about what do you mean it is not a big deal she had one too. They explained it too her, so the nurse trailed her in. They all gathered around me and told me, they measure these thing on a scale of 1 to 6 over 1 to 6 and R had a 6/6 heart murmur, he might not make it to get the open heart surgery he needed. I was a brand new Mom, I did not understand I looked at the Doctor when he came in again and told him to fix him now. He explained to me before they could do anything he had to gain weight. At least twice his birth weight. The scariest thing is when you have your head about 5 inches above his body and you can hear the murmur, you can feel it with your hand, and when you looked you could see it. His first birthday came and went he was not “thriving” he had finally got to 16 pounds, he was 6lbs, 9oz. at birth. Well we got a lot of experience with doctors and hospitals. My husband was in the military he was sent out to Desert Storm, the military pretty much told us that he was not the right rank, he quit the military. He did not get his open heart until he was 5 years old, I still to this day have nothing but good to say about Stanford University, and Lucille Pacard Pediatric Center. At 25 now he has had more then 16 heart caths, and a open heart. Just know what you did was normal……
Christie says
Oh my goodness! Thanks for sharing your story
Patty wright says
When my autistic son was walking but still young we went to a big park like six flags and when I turned around he had wandered off. I was panicked. I started crying and running around trying to find him. After about 15 minutes I found him. He was at the petting zoo with the animals.
Christie says
Losing a child for a few seconds can be traumatic! Glad he’s safe, Patty
Shell says
How scary! But I would have been the same as you, figuring the symptoms were from being tired and hot at the park.
Christie says
Means a lot to know I’m not alone, Shelly!
Catherine S says
It is very scary to watch someone you love have a seizure and not know what to do. I have a family member that suffers from seizures and it is one of the hardest things to watch. It is a very helpless feeling to know that you can’t do anything to help them. I can’t imagine watching my child experience that. I am glad she is ok.
Christie says
Hugs to you and your family too, Catherine
Sharon Phillips says
I have not witnessed any of my children having a seizure but a few of my friends have them. It is a pretty scary situation. I could only imagine if it would of been my child. You are a good mom. You just panicked. Not your fault. I would of done the same. I am glad that she is ok. Also wanted to tell you this was one good post. It would be sure to help someone else maybe in a situation like that. Glad you are getting passed it too.
Christie says
Thank you, Sharon! That means so much. I do hope it helps someone out there!
Emine says
I’m a CPNP and believe me, you go into mom mode when something like that happens to your child. My own son had fever and abdominal pain for 5 days, and I really struggled when it came to getting a CT done. Was he that sick? Am I crazy? And I had them guilt when after all the pokes and prodding were done and nothing was ever found. Just a virus. We moved forward and he was ok. I’m so glad your LO was ok in the end too.
Christie says
Emine, thanks for sharing your story too. So nice to know that nurses and moms feel the same
Mickey says
I can’t even imagine how terrifying that must have been. I’ve had two health scares in the past few years, and both times I didn’t want to take an ambulance or cause a fuss because I didn’t want to call attention to myself or upset other family members who would worry. We get so used to being strong for others that it’s hard to realize when we really do need help. I’m so glad your baby is OK.
Christie says
Thanks for the perspective, Mickey. I definitely had problems asking for help