Hiding My Depression in Plain Sight
Felt cute. May be hiding under my bed crying ugly tears later. IDK. Where’s the best place to hide when you have depression? In plain sight.
I am good at hiding. At least, this is what I tell myself. I thrive on making people believe that I am lively and fun to be around – when inside I’m crying bitterly in a fetal position. High functioning depression is what they call it. I googled it, so it must be true. The ability for everything to look like the highlight reel on social media, while inside everything is shutting down. This is my life, a duality of personalities. And to be honest it’s utterly exhausting.
3 years after finally admitting that I have depression, this is still my reality. Nothing has changed. Not really.
But then I went back.
I need your help.
June 24th, in case you wanted to know. That’s my appointment date. And every day that gets closer, my anxiety builds. I can’t repeat that doctor visit again. It will break me from ever seeking help again. So I’m asking for your help. Those days that I “go dark?” That’s when I need you to check in. Reach out. Ask how I’m doing. Because it won’t be the days where I’m on Instagram Stories laughing and asking goofy questions. It will be the days when I post nothing, the days when I am silent – that’s when I’m at my low.
They need you. And so do I.
Read more about my depression journey:
- What Depression Really Looks Like (post gone viral)
- My Depression One Year Later
- What I Wish Everyone Understood About My Depression