Being Adopted | Do You Want to Meet Your Birth Parents
Being adopted is a really important part of my history. It’s a part I am super proud of, and I love sharing my story. Over my many years, I’ve been asked quite a few questions about my adoption. One of those burning questions I get all of the time, even now is “Do you want to meet your birth parents?”
I’d be lying if I said I NEVER wanted to meet them. The thought has definitely crossed my mind.
We live in a world of “I must know.” If you have the answers, you’d better be talking. Think about your own past. Wouldn’t you want to know all about your parents? How they met, what they were like, what genes they passed to you?
It’s been hard at times to fill in those empty holes. The family tree project ends up with only me. I can’t tell my doctor my family medical history or risk factors. I don’t know if I get my snarky comments from my dad or my introvert nature from my mom.
And the fact is, I knew very little about my birth parents. They were young teenagers, about 16-17 years old at the time. A baby in their lives was not an option. BUT I knew they had to be smart, because instead of abortion, they chose LIFE.
So many questions unanswered.
Which brings me to today. Now as adult, a wife and a parent, “Do I want to meet my birth parents?” My answer would simply be no.
I think meeting them now would only drudge up painful memories for them, maybe tears, regret, anger. I would feel perhaps an obligation to keep in touch, keep the relationship going, perhaps have them be long distance “grandparents” to my kids….and I wouldn’t want that awkward connection.
My only regret would be not telling them Thank You. Thank you for giving me a chance. Thank you for giving me the life I didn’t earn. For loving me enough to bring me into this world and then let me go. Thank you for starting my life out on an amazing journey with a story to tell. Thank you for giving me hope and a future.
If my birth parents ever get to read this….Thank you.
Want to learn more about my adoption story? Check out my posts HERE and HERE.
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Wow Christie this is so powerful. You are an amazing person and I’m sure your birth parents would be beyond happy to know you.
Glued To My Crafts says
What a powerful post! I hope you find your birth parents. The internet is a great thing these days!!
I admit, I have more than a minor interest in genealogy, so I can’t imagine being okay with not knowing where I came from. But it sounds like you’ve made a decision that you’re at peace with, and that’s the important part! It seem as though your adoptive parents did a fabulous job.
Heather HippyHomesteader says
wow…that would be a hard decision…I would always want to know why. Sounds like your “real” adoptive parents and you have a great relationship though.
This must have been a difficult decision for you, for as you said, we are a generation that likes to know everything. I can appreciate how you thought of how it would affect your kids but that you still wanted to reach out in this way to just say thanks to those who chose life for you. Beautiful post!
Great post. I would probably choose the same as you and not want to meet them. Thank you for sharing!
An Ordinary Housewife says
It is great they had the strength to do what was best for their baby. My FIL was adopted. I think he met his birth mother once. She actually knew his adoptive parents ahead of time, but his birth mother really wasn’t in his life.
I am also adopted from birth and know very little about my birth parents. If the opportunity came up I can’t day I wouldn’t be curious to meet them. But I feel no need to have a relationship with them and no longer feel the need as I did when I was a teen to go searching for answers. I know it must have been a hard decision and if anything I would want to thank them for giving me an opportunity for a better life. No one makes that decision easy and they must have felt it I would have a better chance elsewhere. I am very close to my adopted family. They help to teach me that being a family has little to do with blood relations but the love and effort you put in the relationship with your them. Thank you for reminding me of that lesson.
Love your comment. I was also adopted from birth. But just recently found my family. On accident. Whoops.
Saving Said Simply says
Thanks for sharing your story, Kelly! <3
I am also adopted and just recently found my biological family. Which was sorta an accident. But Im also very young. But I have always wanted to meet my family more than anything. My mother died a year ago. And my father ran away. All I have are my brother and sisters and my uncles, aunts, and cousins. Even thought I dont know my parents, I have been so happy with meeting my siblings. Im actually meeting my brother for the first time in person tomorrow!
That’s amazing! Thanks for sharing your story, Madelyn!
We the Lees says
Really enjoyed this. One of us is reunited with birth family in Korea, one is not. Love hearing others’ perspectives. Thanks very much for sharing! -Lee + Whitney
Thank you for taking the time to read! Many blessings to your family!