I’m sharing the Top Mom Lies I Told Myself This Week, as a humorous look at my life as a mom. No one was hurt during the creation of this blog post. I also am not condoning lying. It’s Friday, folks…so let’s just laugh at our mom lives together. OK?
Top Mom Lies I Told Myself This Week
I’ve been on a humor kick these Family Focus Fridays. I hope you don’t mind. It seems to be my outlet for the stress of the week. And this week, I read this viral post on Facebook and I hadn’t laughed so hard and out loud in a long time. Full of lies, it was one mom squeezing every ounce of humor possible to get through the day. Self defecating in the best possible way, I loved how her sarcasm stretched into the depths of my mommy soul. She could rip on her life as a mom and laugh about it. And it left me inspired.
It immediately got me to thinking what mom lies I told myself this week. At first, I shook my head and thought there was absolutely NO way that lied…because I’m just that perfect (I’m already hurling myself headfirst into a vat of lies). But then I laughed. I shed my “this-is-what-the-world-sees” mom skin and got down and dirty in the thoughts in my head….all for your reading pleasure, of course. Throne of lies? Absolutely. Let’s begin.
Lie: I drove my child to the bus stop because it was a frigid 39 degrees outside and I didn’t want his little body to shiver.
Reality: I drove my child to the bus stop because it was flipping freezing outside and there was no way I was changing out of my hideous flannel pajama bottoms to walk him to the bus stop like I normally do.
Lie: I didn’t shower today because I was too busy using my mom super powers to save the world.
Reality: I didn’t shower today because all I did was repeated wipe my stubborn potty training child’s butt from poop all day long. I wasn’t cleaning another butt today, even if it was my own.
Lie: Is my husband coming home yet?
Reality: It’s been a day, and if I blow up at you, that’s why. This is your warning. Prepare yourself accordingly.
Lie: Good morning, princess! Did you sleep well? Give me a big kiss!
Reality: WHOA, you have the most horrid morning breath, child! What animal died in your mouth last night?
Lie: I wore the same shirt again today because I only wore it for a few hours yesterday and BONUS, I’m saving water and laundry too.
Reality: I’m so lazy.
Lie: If you wear big girl underwear, we get to go to Disney World. Don’t you want to go see Mickey?
Reality: I’m seriously burning all of your princess dresses this time.
Lie: Hey honey, can you pick up a few things from the store on the way home?
Reality: I haven’t seen a human being outside of this home all day. I look like a creature from the deep dressed in pajamas. Don’t make me face the world today, please.
Lie: Let’s lay on the couch and watch a movie together while we snuggle. Isn’t this cozy?
Reality: Please for the love! Go to sleep so that I can nap too. Your toddler drama is exhausting.
Lie: I’m just heading to Target to pick up a few essentials.
Reality: Husband, haven’t you figured out my code words yet? I’m going to drown my sorrows in a sea of everything I don’t need. Don’t be surprised when I come home with a trunk full of STUFF.
Lie: I should exercise more.
Reality: I should stop eating those boxes of Girl Scout cookies in our house. And I probably should exercise too.
Lie: I’m a horrible mom, a mom fail this week.
Reality: I’m a good mom. I’m not perfect. But guess what, tomorrow is another day. And hey, at least I have my humor.